Grief: One Student to Another

By Katie Krumeich on February 26, 2013

This is my Grandpa.

My Grandfather’s name was Edward T. Krumeich. He named my father, his eldest son, Edward T. Krumeich II. He lived barely a street away from my home from the day I was born, and I was always welcome there. He stole a rock for me from the lighthouse I was named for. He loved me; I loved him.

He passed away over Christmas vacation. I have a strong and lasting memory of spending a solid two hours sobbing as I told a friend about him. I finally reached catharsis that night.

Grieving isn’t easy, and there’s no numbered list that can get you through it. I’ve endeavored to put together some ideas that helped me with his passing, in the hopes that they’ll help you, too.

Everyone Grieves in a Different Way

In the early days when we learned he would die, and after he passed away, I worried almost constantly that I wasn’t grieving correctly. I didn’t know what I should do or say, and I was convinced that my way of honoring his memory, that my feelings, weren’t proper ways of showing grief.

My mom set me straight on this count: after my third anxious aside, she told me, “There is no right way to grieve.”

If you’ve read Camus’ The Stranger, you know that there’s immense pressure on the grieving to mourn in the right way. Well, when you lose a loved one, you can throw that out the window. Don’t worry if you don’t cry when you think you should. Don’t worry if you’re doing something unrelated and suddenly find yourself sobbing. People express emotions differently, and yours is just as valid as mine. Keep that close to your heart.

Be Inclusive When You Can

This may be a strange one to list, but it’s important to be tolerant and respectful, if possible, of others’ grief. I am an atheist, and my family is Roman Catholic. My family respected my inability to perform in the religious aspects of the funeral service, and allowed me to participate and honor my Grandpa’s memory by creating a program for him. I encourage other families with differences either emotional or spiritual to come to a similar homeostasis.

Take Care of Yourself

As far as you are able, remember that your priority when losing a loved one is yourself. It may be hard, with all your family and friends who are also in mourning needing support, but there is a fine line between supporting others and sacrificing yourself. Make healthy decisions for yourself as much as you can. Healthy decisions aren’t always easy or comfortable ones—avoidance of all problems and necessities surrounding death is not healthy—but they are the decisions that will slowly put you on the road to healing. Life has an awful way of continuing when you want it to stop. All you can do is set yourself up to keep walking, and hope it’s in the right direction.

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