Marriage Should Not Determine Equality: Why Assimilation Equals Death

By Camilo Echeverri Bernal on July 7, 2014

The fact is that the  Human Rights Campaign, Equality Florida and so many other organizations nation-wide seem to be concerned with same-sex marriages and the rights of same-sex couples, and while this is an important front, the rest of the community who isn’t getting married or has no plan on doing so is still suffering.

This is not me denouncing the work they do, but me stating that it simply isn’t enough. While only the seemingly acceptable population of the LGBTQIA+ community is being lauded and their causes fought for, trans-boys and trans-girls die at an alarming rate. From 2008 to 2014 there have been roughly 1,509 reports of killings worldwide of trans persons.

What this tells me is that the fight is only being fought on one side–that we aren’t the ones benefiting from it, and that only the ones who express a wish to marry and enter a monogamous, monosexual relationship are the ones who are being recognized by society at large. This is known as homonormativity, or the adherence to heterosexual standards in order to make ourselves worthy of being seen as equals in their eyes. What this means for those whose genders do not match their bodies and so forth, or who don’t really feel they can fit into those cookie-cutter roles is that they are made to feel as though they aren’t trying hard enough.

When the rest of the world and the LGBT organizations push the idea that we are just like straight people, we  are forced to conform to behaviors and modes of thinking that are similar if not identical to theirs. And what this does is erase other identities and other narratives within our queer community. It’s those of us who can be accepted by our straight peers that have access to something resembling straight privilege, given to us by them. The fact is that marriage should not determine equality.

image via http://www.ctv.ca

So, whenever the sector of the queer population that is more palatable to straight society is held up as the model and the ultimate goal, minorities within the queer community suffer greatly. With shows such as “The New Normal” and “Modern Family” that present white, cisgender males as the over-reaching image of gayness and queerness, queer POCs and many others are disenfranchised.

Homonormativity in the media maintains classist, racist systems in which only married males can enjoy acceptance and rights in society,  and the rest have to scrape by in order to live decent lives without the support of the state. People such as pansexuals, trans* individuals, bisexuals and non-normative queers are left out of representation and out of the face of our “community.”

An issue that goes unaddressed and that is far more important than the quest for quasi-heterosexuality in the predominantly white, middle class gay section of the community is queer youth homelessness. No, they don’t have time to think about weddings or whether they will one day have a family because they are too concerned with drug addiction and surviving on the streets.

The fact is that 58 percent of homeless queer and transgender youth have been sexually assaulted compared to 38  percent of heterosexual homeless youth. Forty four percent  have been stopped on the street and been asked to exchange sex for money, drugs, shelter or clothes. Homeless queer youth are essentially invisible, as federal programs fail to protect them. Out of the federal government’s $4.2 billion budget allocated for homeless-assistance programs, only $195 million goes toward homeless youth programs.

 

image via http://fortytonone.org

We aren’t asking for much. We are only asking that all are included within those words that are supposed to make us a community. We only ask that rights are given to all, and that all of our issues and struggles are prioritized by the federal government, and by the governments of other countries, but mainly by ours, as this is the place we call home.

image via https://decolonizechris.wordpress.com

It is the reason why anti-assimilationist groups who actively oppose the setting up of such a hierarchy with white gays at the top are so upset–because equality is much more than being allowed into their systems of oppression and allowing them to determine the full array of queer relationships and unions through state sanctions.

The change that is being striven for isn’t a change that many queers wish to be a part of. It is a change in which many of them are still disenfranchised. Why strive for an equality in a system that denies their very existence and their very rights? Why settle for marriage and being able to serve in the army and fight for the patriarchal, capitalistic values of the oppressors?

image via http://www.columbia.edu

What happened to our Stonewall? What happened to our spirit? What happened when we just grabbed life and our rights by the horns? Why has anarch-queer become such a foul word? Why do we forget that it was trans-women that fought for us, and queer POCs?

The truth is that focus on one of our problems is killing countless of us. We need our stories told. We need our role models that represent us and that show the world that there is more to us than they would like to recognize. We need more people like Janet Mock and our Laverne Cox. We need more films that show all bodies and all identities and all orientations, not just the ones that the public and our community has been mass-fed and deemed palatable enough to digest and invite to Christmas dinner.

image via http://colorlines.com

Our purpose shouldn’t be about convincing non-queers that we are deserving of human rights, whether married or not. We have to convince them just how non-threatening we are, and just how much we appreciate whatever meager representation we can get, and whatever they throw at us. This is simply not okay, and this is not acceptable.

We should not have to settle for this. We should not settle for becoming cute accessories or a single Pride event. We should engage in politics, and remind the heterosexual majority that we are here to stay in all of our glory whether they want it or not. People didn’t get their rights by sitting still and waiting for them.

image https://queersingularity.wordpress.com

Assimilation equals death. Marriage should not determine equality. We are a rainbow. We are here to stay.

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